Before the game
Nerves, expectations, confidence, what to say, and what not to say.
For softball parents
She already knows she made the error.
She knows she struck out. She knows she didn't have her best game. She knows you saw it.
She doesn't need the ride home to become another inning.
Accountability without shame
Remind her that one error, one strikeout,
or one tough game doesn't define who she is—
as a player or as a person.
Athletes need accountability, reflection, and responsibility. They also need the space to process before every moment becomes a lesson.
Support through the whole day
During the game
Sideline behavior, coaching from the stands, umpires, playing time, and your own emotions.
After the game
The first five minutes, the ride home, crying, anger, silence, listening, and when to ask questions.
Why the ride home matters
Sometimes the best postgame conversation is the one you don't force.
Observational research on parent-athlete post-competition car rides suggests athletes may need space to process before they are ready to analyze what happened. Read the research context and sources before applying any single finding broadly.
FAQ
Questions, answered.
What should I say on the ride home after a bad game?
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Often, the best first words are, "I love watching you play." She already knows what went wrong. Give her some time, or let her talk first. Then ask, "Do you want to talk about the game, or take a break from softball for a while?" and respect her answer. The ride home doesn't have to be a coaching session. Sometimes she just needs her parent.
How do I support my daughter without adding pressure?
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Praise what she controls: effort, preparation, how she bounced back after a mistake, how she treated her teammates. Be specific: "I saw you get right back in ready position after that error." Leave the coaching to her coaches, especially during games. And watch your sideline body language. Head in hands after an error says more than words.
My daughter is so hard on herself. How do I help?
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Start by listening, not fixing. Then help her talk to herself the way she'd talk to a teammate. If she says, "I'm terrible," ask, "What would you tell a teammate who just did the same thing?" After games, ask her for 3 good things she did before talking about anything else. Over time, it helps her see the whole game, not just the mistakes.
When is it more than just softball nerves?
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Most frustration after games is normal and passes in a day or two. Pay closer attention if you notice sadness, worry, or irritability that lasts two weeks or more, changes in sleep or eating, pulling away from friends, dread before every game, or very harsh talk about herself. If you see these, talk with her doctor, a school counselor, or a licensed mental health professional. If you ever think she may be in danger, call 911. In the U.S., you can also call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time. Mental game training is great for everyday sports skills, but it's not a replacement for professional care.
Can parents use these tools if they don't coach?
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Yes. Parent resources focus on what to say before and after games, how to support confidence without adding pressure, and how to encourage healthy communication with coaches.
Is this counseling for my child?
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No. The Next Rep is practical mental-performance training, not counseling or therapy. If your child is struggling beyond the game, please reach out to a qualified professional.
Answers from Angela Biddlestone, founder of The Next Rep.
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